GIFTS FOR SPIRITUAL CHILDREN DURING THE HOLIDAYS

By Daria Brzezinski, Ph.D.

This holiday season, there are avenues that enable your family to participate in the festive mood yet separate from the mainstream-purchasing panacea. This country has transformed the holidays from the spiritual earthy events of spring, summer, winter and fall (which used to be Holy Days)  into elaborate expenditures of money and accumulating goods.  Is it any wonder that children feel lost and empty as well as less and less creative, intelligent, and spiritual? Here are some solutions.

Toy Marketing Strategies

In the land of materialism, clever marketing campaigns guilt us into spending thousands of dollars on toys and trinkets as the means to raise a happy, healthy, spiritual child.  while enabling a pattern of behavior in children to constantly crave more, bigger, better. An article in Forbes Magazine in 1987 discussed the “new” strategies for selling toys to four to seven year old children in order to create a new generation of lifetime consumers. The clever strategies focus on developing products that target the deficiencies in our culture- spiritual. The lines between spirituality and capitalism become blurred. The Ninja Turtles, the X Files, Star Trek and Men in Black were some of  the outcomes of filling these deficiencies. Today, at every turn there is a confusing mix of spirituality and entertainment. George Lucas befriended Joseph Campbell’s mythological heroes in The Star Wars epics. Harry Potter ‘muddles’ the line between spiritual practices, black and white, while selling millions of dollars in ‘back-end’ products to children.   If you want the children in your life to have a healthy, wholesome value system, be careful of the toys you purchase as the hidden motivations lie below the surface of marketing schemes. Here are some helpful hints.

Entertainment vs Play

A major confusion among parents is the difference between entertainment (doing something to you where you are the observer and acted upon) and play (where your are an active participant and experience at many levels of awareness). For a more comprehensive description, Dr. O. Fred Donaldson, Ph.D. ’s book Playing By Heart: Vision and Practice of Belonging. It is PLAY that is the most imperative where integration of culture, rules, spiritual laws and soul come to fruition. Play is the means by which a child becomes master of the world. Play is the source of richness of a child to play-out real world circumstances. It is THE greatest source of learning. Habits developed during play become incorporated in adult daily life. However, play contains NO RULES, NO GUIDELINES. It is unorganized and spontaneous. It enables the child the freedom of exploration. Obviously, this definition eliminates team sports, board games, cards, and most of those sold on the market because their rules are fixed and immutable. In the long run, entertaining children develops behavior patterns, which keep the child in need of more stimulation from external sources and less reliance on their ‘inner voice’.

The objects of PLAY are simple, safe, allow imagination to flourish, freedom of movement and range of complexity. The colors, materials, textures, size, shape of the play object are just as important. The more extreme from “nature” the toy, the less value it has in play. Simple, natural materials with earth tones are all characteristics that develop brain, eye-hand co-ordination, heart, imagination and joy of expression. (An added benefit to allowing children to develop interests in simple play is as maturity sets in, these are the skills that are acceptable when boredom, confusion or depression sets in.) Obviously, the most important play toy is nature. Climbing trees teaches a child spatial relation, self-confidence, courage, persistence, tolerance, tenacity, hand-eye coordination, learning balance, dimension, and depth perception and a host of other skills as well as for being an invigorating, healthy exploration into the world of nature. The rough bark heightens the sense of touch. The aromas of the pines and other vegetation, stimulates the senses. Let them explore the animal and insect world, dirt, sand, leaves, grass to learn their own Inner Limits by themselves without fearful grown-up observing (your fear is their fear). Unlike its counterpart in the plastic concrete playground who’s smooth, hard surfaces are toxic materials and have no texture to stimulate anything (except over-stimulation of bright colors). John Holt’s How Children Learn is an excellent source for the natural processes of play learning.

Less Is More

All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things by Robert Fulghum defines the need for simplicity in this complex world. These are the real purpose of toys is to develop creative imagination and intuition NOT entertain. Have you noticed that after all of the boxes have been opened on Christmas morning that the greatest joy for children is playing in the empty boxes? This is because large empty boxes enable the child exploration of the “child” world. Large empty boxes are the greatest source of joy for a child (next to using the couch pillows as forts and hiding places). In a box, one can be exploring a cave, flying a plane, driving a car or just finding a sense of peace and silence from our hectic world. Empty boxes are very, very important.

The best types of dolls are those that allow the child to ‘fill in the blanks’. The Waldorf Association can direct you to them. Dolls made of cloth, with thread for eyes, nose and mouth allow a child more freedom. Interchangeable clothing made of soft cotton has a variety of benefits. This type of clothing allows children to learn to button, snap, and tie and remove clothing that will later be translated into their own clothing. The textures of cloth enable the child to develop their sense of “feeling” textures. Dolls of animal nature are preferable to human in the early years because children until the age of eight relate to animals. Paper dolls for older children are excellent as well. Allowing for creativity of making personal accessories and clothing, paper and cloth dolls can open a world of joy to play. Dolls, like Barbie, Ken, GI Joe, and such are cold hard plastic with plastic accessories, inappropriate body dimensions, and subliminally represent a distorted value system.

Your child’s room should be a source of peace and comfort. If the room is filled with bright and/or psychedelic colors, TV’s, computers, video games, there is little peace for the child’s mind to integrate information, rest and assimilate. Some children have difficulty falling asleep when they read at bedtime because the imagination is so active at this time of day. Rudolph Steiner and Frank Lloyd Wright were the first to recognize that peaceful earthy environments more conducive to health include colors (pastels and earth tones), shapes (curved), sizes (child sized) that enable a child to get in touch with the inner self. The harsh colors (psychedelic), bright lights (florescent), textures(computer generated), and cluttered spaces of today’s’ world do not allow the eye, senses, brain and heart to develop fully. Whole Parent/Whole Child by Polly Berrien Berends and Open Connections: The Other Basics by Susan D. Shilcock and Peter A. Bergson define environments for organizing a child’s space. Toys and games that have these harsh features over stimulate the retina and do not send proper signals to the brain. Purchasing toys that are full of soft, gentle colors and textures enhance the child mind.

Creative Intelligence

Hand-eye Co-ordination Toys: According to the latest research, The Secret Life of the Unborn Child by Thomas Verny, MD, babies have greater awareness of their environment than adults could ever conceive. They recognize the faces of their parents and other loved ones within the first weeks of life. The greatest mobile you can have in a child’s crib is one that displays the faces of loved ones. Tape photographs to a mobile and watch your child smile. Record the voices of loved ones to play for the child along with soft music. As the child reaches and extends for hand-eye coordination, she also reinforces the bonding extension to loved one. This information exists in more detail in Magical Child by Joseph Chilton Pearce.

Other hand-eye coordination toys are origami, knitting and crocheting (another Steiner principle), magnetic marbles (also teaches color sorting, classifying), drawing and painting, putting things together and taking them apart (like old watches or electrical appliances), tangrams or Cuisenaire rods. Put pencils, screwdrivers, little saws, hammers, paintbrushes in their hands as soon as they can hold them (with an atmosphere of encouragement from adult) and children will use these tools throughout life. Allowing them to bang on musical instruments like piano, drums, guitar (no matter how awful it sounds) eventually turns into recognizable music. Children proficient in music are generally also exceptional in math. The age for these discoveries is as early as one (the age for my children).

In Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon, David Elkind speaks to the benefits of slowing the pace of children and the benefits it holds. To develop focus of attention, patience, visual discrimination, hand-eye coordination and pre-math skills, wooden blocks (free of splints) in a variety of shapes and sizes, Lincoln Logs, Legos and Construx are the answer. Children learn about stacking, size, shape, classifying, categorizing, and dimensional space through the use of wooden blocks. Legos and constructs are good for older children after the age of about 6 because the plastic configuration is more complicated than wood. These toys build much more than just structures.

The arts are very, very important for a child’s exploration of the world. The arts enable children to get in touch with their passion. Children need to be encouraged to draw at very early ages with soft pastels paints, light graphite pencils and pastel pencils. The 500 colors in a box of crayons are very unnecessary. A child can learn to mix and blend colors themselves to create various shades. Purchasing art books and paper is very important for children to get in touch with their souls. Coloring books, dot-to-dot, coloring in lines are  detrimental to creativity and getting in touch with a child’s inner self. Encourage the free drawing of lines, exploring the entire sheet of paper, and doodling are very important skills that are dismissed in our culture today. Children need the freedom to explore space both on the paper and off in order to gain a sense of self.

Language Development : To promote language development, purchase toys that do not speak. Chatty Cathy and Teddy Ruskin were novel dolls. However, the quality of their voices, through the ears of the developing child, confused the listener. Children get a distorted sense of language through these toys and often form inappropriate and false impressions that are carried through to adult life. If you want to stimulate language development, talk to you child, record your own voice,  read to your child, speak to them at meals, while walking, riding or shopping. You will not only build language skills but auditory discrimination as well. (Bonding is another added benefit to talking with a child, one, which is highly underrated). Contrary to media hype, the less mechanical the means, the better your child will be equipped for “real” life relationships in communication (which is the function of language).

The greatest form of language development and creative intelligence is through reading to your child from prebirth. Language exposure from a loved one is statistically more influential on a child than anyone else. Reading also allows the child to form pictures in their minds- the foundation for intuition and creativity- builds attention span and develops vocabulary. A young child can listen to stories many levels above his or her reading level and comprehend the essence of the story. Early reading aloud develops essential skills for later life like story comprehension, decoding skills and getting the main idea. Generally, the Caldicott and Newbury award winning books are the best. You can find these award winning titles anywhere.

Physical Co-ordination Toys: In exploring the “air” space, children should be encouraged to move and sing to music. Dancing or moving to music that is soft, graceful and gentle brings out that aspect of a child’s nature. Pop music is OK but it is geared to first and second chakra energy and children tend to get stuck there. For children to raise Kundalini energy, it must freely move through space like the clouds or water as it rushes through the stream. Classical and some new age music is more beneficial. However, there are many mainstream children’s songs that have deep messages that touch the child’s soul. These include the genius of the Jim Henson and other songwriters. Music is like a mantra as it is repeated over and over. Choosing the best lyrics and music that touch the heart and soul will enhance the developing child.

Self-Exploration Toys– In order to gain a sense of self-esteem and comfort with their bodies, children need to explore themselves. From the time they are infants in the crib, children must be allowed to touch their bodies (even private parts) to become comfortable in their own skin. The Puritanical notion that somehow this is ‘evil’ has caused fodder for psychological professionals. Knowing the body gives the child a sense of awareness of self that is healthy. Mirrors and dress-up for both sexes are acceptable ways for this exploration. Although this activity is considered for young children, it is one that suits well into teen years. Children love Halloween and it has been glamorized to meet the needs of a deficiency in our childhood culture- pretend. In the art of pretending, a child merges with the values, actions of caregivers (and TV) and habits of culture. You can KNOW what a child is thinking and what ideas have rooted by observing his/her play. Ideas and knowledge will be reflected in pretend play.

Equilibrium- Balance Toys: Along with nature, toys that swing, rock and move are important for building equilibrium in the brain of a child. It is wonderful to see rocking horses and children’s rockers. Wooden swings are excellent. Even a rope tied to the branch of a swing is a learning tool. These toys create balance in the inner child and can often be a source of centeredness and peace. Grown-up spinning games are also beneficial.

Child Sized Toys: Marketing adds would have you believe that treating your child as an adult will entrain adult values and skills. This is FAR from the truth. Learn to create a child’s world in your home. Go to your kitchen and put the pots and pans at the child’s level. Allow them to pretend to cook, clean, and follow along after you in the kitchen (more bonding experiences). Mimicking adult behavior is imperative. Allow them to spread their things all over the kitchen while you are cooking and play in the dishwater. (Water is a conductor of spiritual energy). Children LOVE to clean and pretend to be adults. This is a much better approach than at some magical age, attempting to teach them tidiness skills arbitrarily. It takes time to teach a child these skills and in our hurry up world, we find little time to teach them and allow them to help. HOWEVER, when they get to be adults, because of the time you spent with them teaching them self-help skills as a child, they will be functional workers in our society as a result. Keep the tools as close to a child’s level as possible. Buy a child’s size broom, dustpan and shovel as well as keeping a child-sized table and chair in the kitchen. About 20 years ago at the Smithsonian, an exhibit was created to enable teachers to feel what it was like to be a child in an adult world. This exhibit had tables and chairs etc. equivalent to the size of a child vs. adult world. For teachers who participated and had to maneuver into chairs twice their size, the perception of a child’s view of the world was altered forever!

CHILDREN DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS IN THEIR BEST INTEREST. Television is a powerful tool that distorts the mind into believing subliminal messages, which then becomes part of the belief system. Electronic toys, games, television, Nintendo, virtual reality, and computers are detrimental to a child until AGE 12 when she is able to think cognitively, has developed social skills, conscience and the eye-hand-brain coordination is secure! What these electronic devices do is override the limbic system of the brain, so that children have a distorted sense of reality. This is why we have children who do not value life, who lack conscience and moral values. These devices are also highly over stimulating to a child’s mind and sense of being. It keeps them in need of constant gratification by being on the “edge”. This mentality cannot be satisfied and creates children who are constantly looking for pleasure that will keep them feeling that edge.

Silence and Sleep : Sleep is confounded by the electromagnetic energy of computers and televisions in the room. An essential key to creative intelligence is something totally lacking in a child’s world of today. Children need to be allowed to go to quiet places and just “BE”. They need to be allowed to have their minds drift off when in conversation with you. When they do this, they are looking blank or “far off” but what they are really doing is getting in touch with their creative intelligence. Allow time for a child’s quiet space, this does not include nap time or rest. There should be a place in your home to allow a child space to be in silence. As a culture, meditation has become popular because we have all lost the art of getting in touch with our higher selves through silence. Allow it in your child.

When a child is deprived of over-stimulation, they become more sensitive to the finer qualities of life. All children learn and behave differently- kinesthetically (touch), auditory (hear), visual and taste. You are the custodian of your child’s sense of being in this world. Their knowledge of themselves and their world is a responsibility you must accept as a parent. The purchase of toys is one of those responsibilities you must not take lightly. It is your child’s future that depends on the judgments you make now. Create a safe, peaceful, creatively stimulating environment and you will find that you have nurtured a healthy child for the future. Celebrate these as Holy Days rather than holidays to develop the rich spiritual traditions that are dwindling from our culture.

End cluttered bedrooms and have simple, clear minds that can assimilate information quickly. Although this article is non-promotional, finding these toys can be difficult. Organizations and establishments like Shenanigan’s in Cville, or on-line to the Waldorf Association or the Montessori Association or the Reggio Emilia, Italy video The Hundred Languages of Children (main office in Washington, DC) will give more suggestions.

Daria G. Brzezinski, Ph.D. is a psychologist, educator, lecturer, author and mother residing in Charlottesville. For additional information on any of the above topics, email prokid@earthlink.net. The above is an excerpt from her book, ‘Children of God, Heirs to Heaven©™’ which will be published in the spring. This publication is under copyright and any reproduction or use of the material requires the consent of the author.